In my previous post 40 Life Hacks for Single Mummy Life Life hack #27 was beware of still married men who want you to make them feel better about their lives don’t let it be at your cost.
Here is a cautionary tale about why I said that.
A friend of mine had met the love of her life on a free online dating site so I decided to have a go.
I put up a profile that was very simple with a rubbish picture so that anyone I knew wouldn’t recognise me.
Surprisingly I had loads of responses as I was totally honest about my kids my body type etc.
I chose to go on one date with a guy called Bill .
I have changed his name and to protect the innocent and to protect me! I don’t want him coming after me!
He looked fairly ordinary on first meeting average looking, average height etc.
We had talked pleasantly enough on the phone before we had met. I found out been married twice and that he was separated from his current wife and had recently split up from a girlfriend.
He flattered me, made me laugh, had a job, so I was looking forward to the evening what could go wrong?
Plenty! During the date he told me that although he was a born again Christian he had addiction to prostitutes and pornography which is why his marriages had ended. This was about 20 minutes in!
I should have gone then really but it was all morbidly fascinating.
As I nurse I am used to people confessing their deep dark secrets. The nurse in me was interested in why this guy was committing dating hari-kari.
Perhaps it was because I was a nurse that he felt comfortable, so comfortable in fact that during our meal he took a phone call from the girl he told me was in love with ( she was treating him badly) , told me about the logistics of queuing in a brothel ( you never see the other blokes apparently) and confided in me that his Dad had Paraphilia (look it up) and liked having sex with women who looked like their arms were broken with their arms in sling!
I swear this happened but honestly could you make this up?
I told him that I didn’t blame his wives for leaving him as he was obviously a nightmare to be with. He told me I was very forward with my opinions but he liked talking to me as I was a good listener!
We went to restaurant on top of the Tate Modern which is lovely with a fantastic view I would highly recommend it, so I can honestly say it was the best and worst first date I had ever been on in my life!
We parted at the train station, he said he would call me. I said that would be nice (! why did I say that?) I went home.
Needless to say I didn’t see Bill again.
He texted to say I was lovely ( yeah yeah) but he was in love with another ( the phone call). I was relieved to be honest, it was a lucky escape.
He texted again a few months later saying he had made a mistake, the love of his life was no more and could we go for a coffee.
I ignored it, I haven’t got time for people who text and don’t call, give therapy to the porn addicted with a familial tendency for weirdness or be a consolation prize and anyway I didn’t like him.
Their are three morals to this tale.
Firstly find out as much as you can about someone before you go on a date with them and be wary if they are on the rebound.
Secondly make sure to go to a nice restaurant if the date is awful at least the food will be nice!
Thirdly don’t confess your addictions on the first date. It will ensure you won’t have another!
You’d think that would be enough to put me off online dating for life but it wasn’t (more another time) it really was a weird experience I have got loads of mileage out of it as a dinner party story though, so every cloud…… 😊
Till the next time
Single Mum Dawn