Category: My Single Mummy Life

The Single Mummy Life Machine is broken! 15 things that won’t  get done when you are ill

I was  ill last weekend. Struck down by a heavy cold which went to my chest and left me feeling cold, weak and apathetic

I usually spend the weekend doing the washing the shopping the cooking the cleaning that I don’t get a chance to do during the week ( yes my life is that exciting)

As a result of being so ill I couldn’t be bothered to make my own dinner ( yes really ill) all that went  out of the window.

As I surveyed a mountain of unwashed dishes and a front room I couldn’t possibly let anyone see,  I thought I would  let other single parents  know (as well as Teen Boy and Teen Girl) what to expect when the single mummy machine breaks down.

  1. The dishes wont get washed.   As you are the last person on earth who doesn’t have a dishwasher you will realise the dishwasher is you and you are broken.
  2. The washing will pile up. You do have a washing machine but no tumble dryer and the energy to load and unload wet washing will be beyond you. As for ironing you will remember you never did it anyway.
  3. The kids will expect  all mummy services to be functioning as usual, the teens although sympathetic to your plight will still demand, lifts , money, your ear  and food on the table. You will start to hate them (a little) for it.
  4. You will feel disgruntled, being a single mummy is a 24hr seven day a week job with no pay or holidays, which is fine when you are well and happy,  but rubbish when you are not. You will feel fed up.
  5. You will long for the days of when you had a live in partner. When cups of tea  and meals magically appeared from nowhere and the washing up was not your problem. You will remember when you had an Au pair and be wistful for those halcyon days  your eyes will well up.
  6. You will watch trash TV  on repeat (Say Yes to the  Dress anyone?)  and enjoy the formulaic mindlessness of it all because anything else is exhausting.
  7. You will pass on the free tickets you won in a competition  to  see  Pharell Williams  ( yes readers this really happened) because you are exhausted and can’t be bothered to queue with healthy people who  have the energy to stand up for more than 5 minutes at a time
  8. You will struggle to get dressed and consider going to the supermarket (the fridge is empty)   in your pyjamas.  You will forget that there is such a thing as online shopping.
  9. The teens will claim  there is no food in the house minutes) after you have been shopping  when what they mean is there is no food which takes less than 2 minutes in a microwave to prepare. You will  order Pizza.
  10. You won’t call anyone because you are too tired to talk.
  11. You will feel friendless as you have not spoken to an adult for days, this will not be true it’s just you are too ill to call then (see number 9)
  12. Your hair will stay gray for another weekend but you won’t care.
  13. The  reading for work you planned to do at home this weekend won’t get done.
  14. Any cups of tea the teens make for you will taste like nectar.
  15. Getting the shopping finally put away after 2 will feel like a massive victory .

Is there anything I have forgotten?
So friends how do you manage when you are ill, on your own with the kids and you still have to parent them feed them and keep the house going?


Let me know I would love to hear from you 😊

Till the next time

Single Mum Dawn

Single Mummy Life- I dated a Sex Addict (Once!)

In my previous post 40 Life Hacks for Single Mummy Life Life hack #27  was beware of still married men who want you to make them feel better about their lives don’t let it be at your cost.

Here is a cautionary tale about why I said that.

A friend of mine had met the love of her life on a free online dating site  so I decided to have a go.

I put up a profile that was very simple with  a rubbish picture so that anyone I knew wouldn’t recognise me.

Surprisingly I had loads of responses as I was totally honest about my kids my body type etc.

I  chose to go on one date with a guy  called Bill .

I have changed his name and to protect the innocent and to protect me! I don’t want him coming after me!

He looked fairly ordinary on first meeting  average looking, average height etc.

We had talked pleasantly  enough on the phone before we had met.  I found out been married twice and  that he was separated from his current wife and had recently split up from a girlfriend.

He flattered me, made me laugh, had a job, so I was looking forward to the evening what could go wrong?
Plenty! During the date he told me that although he was a born again Christian he had addiction to prostitutes and pornography which is why his marriages  had ended. This was about 20 minutes in!

I should have gone then really but it was all morbidly fascinating.

As I nurse I am used to people confessing their deep dark secrets. The nurse in me was interested in why this guy was committing dating hari-kari.

Perhaps it was because I was a nurse  that he felt comfortable, so comfortable in fact that during our meal he took a phone call from the girl he told me was in love with ( she was treating him badly) , told me about the logistics of queuing in a brothel ( you never see the other blokes apparently) and confided in me that his Dad had  Paraphilia (look it up) and liked having sex with women who  looked like their arms were broken with their  arms in sling!

I swear this happened but honestly  could you make this up?

dreamstime_xs_36594212

I told him that I didn’t blame his wives for leaving him as he was obviously a nightmare to be with. He told me I was very forward with my opinions but he liked talking to me as I was a good listener!

We went to restaurant on top of the Tate Modern which is lovely with a fantastic view I would highly recommend it, so I can honestly say it was the best and worst first date I had ever been on in my life!

We parted at the train station, he said he would call me. I said that would be nice (! why did I say that?) I went home.

Needless to say I didn’t see Bill again.

He texted to say I was lovely ( yeah yeah) but he was in love with another ( the phone call). I was relieved to be honest, it was  a lucky escape.

He texted again a few months later saying he had made a mistake, the love of his life was no more and could we go for a coffee.

I ignored it,  I haven’t got time  for people who text and don’t call, give therapy to the porn addicted with a familial tendency for weirdness or be a consolation prize  and anyway I didn’t like him.

Their are three morals  to this tale.

Firstly find out as much as you can about someone before you go on a date  with them and be wary if they are on the rebound.

Secondly make sure to go to a nice restaurant if the date is awful at least the food will be nice!

Thirdly don’t confess your addictions on the first date. It will ensure you won’t have another!

You’d think that would be enough to put me off online dating for life but it wasn’t (more another time) it really was a weird  experience I have got loads of mileage out of it as a dinner party story though, so every cloud…… 😊

Till the next time

Single Mum Dawn