Picture the scene- I was having some beds delivered for Teen Boy and Teen Girl and needed to dismantle their existing beds.
This proved to be perplexing job about which I have no clue. My ex used to do this sort of stuff, you know change lightbulbs blown fuses, put together flat pack furniture and deal with tradesman. He used to cut the grass, deal with plumbing and drains and manage the garage. This arrangement was fine until he left and then he wasn’t so keen on helping out.
My ex had assembled Teen girls bed and Teen boy’s had been put together by an ex-boyfriend, I remember both events happening while I was busy elsewhere (probably eating) and I also remembered something called an Allen key ( I had to google how to spell it) being mentioned and knew it might be useful.
I tasked a reluctant Teen Boy with dismantling the beds (he had never heard of an Allen key) so this is why I had to venture into the man drawer.
Michael McIntyre does a very funny sketch about the Man drawer which can be defined as the where men put miscellaneous stuff that might come in handy one day. To do things that men do.
This is where I have to come clean and say I haven’t ventured into the Man drawer since my ex left! It was his territory and his responsibility and as long as I stayed out of it meant that I didn’t have to deal with the stuff he used to do.
The reality of my single mummy life is that I have to pay people to do stuff my ex used to do, I am ashamed of this but it is true, there was man coming to put the beds together that evening so time was off the essence.
The Man drawer was so jam packed it took me several goes to get it open
Here is a list of some the delights I found in the man drawer
- Batteries various sizes (could be alive could be dead no one knows)
- At least 3 pedometers (unused) there could be more
- Teen Girls 1st Holy Communion candle!
- String (because you never know when you will need to tie something or someone up)
- Masking Tape (for kidnapping?)
- A very old mobile phone it’s a Motorola
- A telephone charger (not for the same phone that would useful and therefore silly)
- Screws and nails various sizes
- A membership card for a club that has since burned down ( the club where we met)
- Glycerine suppositories (!!!) the mind boggles and at some point bowels were loosened
- A napkin holder
- A pair of secateurs
- A few euros
- Radiator bleeding key that’s not long enough so therefore useless
- Never sent birthday cards that might one day become useful (is anyone eight this year?)
- Ink for a printer that we don’t have
- Instruction manuals for long since discarded gardening appliances
The man drawer is like a memory of things I used to own, the things my ex-husband used to do for me and things we did together, it’s also an accusation about all the things I haven’t done for myself.
No Allen key!! I took everything out of the man drawer and put it into a box and decided that I was going to have a sort out.
The house is now in the kind of chaos that only comes when you are desperately trying to tidy up before someone comes round (the bed assembly man) and you want to prove to the world that your life isn’t a disorganised mess and you really have got your shit together but realise you really haven’t, I noticed that the house needs painting, we need new doors, new windows and I really need to sort out the garage.
I found the Allen Key eventually, Teen Boy did dismantle the beds (it took hours) and the new beds are now assembled (£ 25 well spent).
The house however is in disarray, it’s like an upended dolls house, and everything has fallen out. My task today is regain some kind of order. This may take some time. I will get there though.
The man drawer is no more- Long live the Single Mum drawer!
If I need a dead battery or an Allen Key I will know where to find it!