A Video Phone Call with the ex – its time to move on

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My ex Face Timed  me yesterday. I haven’t spoken to him since his move to the Middle East, I was at work so I was  unprepared for it  but it was good as I was in professional mode and able to deal with him.

We talked, he showed me round his 4 bedroom detached (with servant) house. He told me he was doing well and everything was better than in Britain, his new son was in a private school everything was rosy and that he had made the right decision to move out there.

He told me that he wouldn’t be coming back to the UK for a least a year. We talked about the children.  We talked about the things that they are up to, how they were doing, the things we used to talk  about when he was in the country and living about a mile away, things that seem strange to talk about to a person who now lives 3000 miles away.

As we talked I felt a myriad of emotions, some sad, some jealous ( I would kill for a servant). I felt sorry for the children they miss their Dad and probably  won’t be able to visit because of the prohibitive cost and logistics of school and university timetables.

I felt a kind of sad rage because I reckon my ex got off lightly, while he is apparently living the life of Riley I am here in  rainy London really struggling on my own  with no servant, no money, and what feels like no life.

Now I know that life isn’t that black or white nobody is completely happy or sad. We all present our best selves to the world but let me sob in my own little pity party just for one post.

I have been a single parent for 8 years and I can honestly say I have never felt so alone as a parent. I hadn’t realised the fact that my ex  was in the same town made such a difference to our family, even when he wasn’t doing anything or contributing anything. The fact that he was there made it manageable.

The conversation continued. He made the usual promises and asked for a couple of favours.  I didn’t complain or ask for anything because there was no point. We said our goodbyes

As usual the contact with my ex the experience was a bittersweet one, we aren’t friends and perhaps were no longer enemies, we are nothing to each other and that is a weird feeling. I was left with a feeling of acceptance and some sense of peace.

What was good was good in our marriage and I can now remember the good times as they were without them being clouded by the bad.

I think all single parents have expectations of their ex partners which are impossible for anyone to live up to. I think the time may not healing all wounds but it does makes them smart a little less.  My ex  has moved on its time for me to do so as well.

Until the next time

Dawn

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dawnjarvis

I am a fortysomething divorced working single parent of two teenagers TeenBoy and Teengirl this is my single mummy life, laughter love and work in the melting pot of London. I look forward to you accompanying me on the journey.

3 thoughts on “A Video Phone Call with the ex – its time to move on”

  1. This must be hard for you all. I’ve just asked my ex for a divorce this weekend but I made sure to tell him that although I’ve moved on and am in a new relationship, I don’t regret what me and him had. I feel the same sadness that we’re no longer in each others lives because what we had was so great… At the beginning! I’m glad you and him seem to have reached a place where you can be civil, although I strongly advise you don’t actually kill for a servant, you might not be able to take them to prison with you, haha! Great post, thanks for sharing.
    Ally @ http://www.messedupmum.com xxx

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    1. Thanks Ally I am sorry to hear that you asked your ex for of divorce not because that’s a bad thing ( it’s not if its right for you) but because I know divorcing can be hard and lonely road. If you ever need an ear I am here. Ironically it is eight years to the day since I asked my ex for a divorce and for the first time I feel at peace so I won’t kill for servant just yet! You take care Ally
      D x

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