Tag: moving on after divorce

Single Mummy Life – A year In review -How  was 2015 for you?-

So you did it! You  made it through  Christmas and now its just New Years Eve to navigate and we are done for another year!  I am still on holiday from work  and its taken till now to finally decompress and relax.

So what shall we do now I hear you say? As 2015  draws to a close it’s time to reflect on the year that has passed and look forward to the new one.

2015 was was a  roller coaster  of a year for me  with  big highs and some  very  lows days  for me. I am not sure whether I am glad to see the back of it to be honest but I guess I have to be thankful for the highs and I need to reflect and learn from the lows.

So here is my Single Mummy Life  2015  review with both good and bad bits included.

The best thing that happened to me all year  was starting this blog  (and it is doing great) I have found a rich vein of creativity that has inspired me to do new things with my life,  develop new skills. connect with new people and  start a business it has been amazing , transformational and has definitely changed my life for the better.

Another wonderful thing that happened  was that I had a piece published  in a national newspaper.  The article was about my experiences of being the single mother of mixed race children and how  black and mixed people are represented in the media. It was also a lesson for me in grabbing opportunities as they are presented to you, a journalist asked to write something following a post in social media and although I was scared I didn’t  hesitate.and the results were fantastic foe me.

The children  are a massive part of my life and we have been through a lot together this year. Teen Boy finished school and started university and  is now getting paid to play rugby part time  which is a massive achievement and  a culmination of years of dedication and hard  work. Teen girl  got into the performing arts school of her dreams  which was like a  reality TV fairy tale  and she  has been so much happier ever since.   Don’t get me wrong  we still have our  challenges but its wonderful to see your children go through tough times and come out the other side smiling

Coming to terms with the end of my  marriage and feeling a failure because of it was one of the recurring lows of this year. I had busied my myself with work education and the children in years since my divorce, never really dealing with the emotional side of a very difficult time, my ex remarrying and moving abroad has allowed to time to heal time to grieve and time to move on

I moved to London 30 years ago so 2015 was a time to celebrate my  career and all the friends I met along the way. I had a blast at two Nursing  reunions and realised that I have had a fantastic life so far one that has been filled with love laughter and happiness .

So that was my 2015  full of highs and lows but mostly highs to be honest and with 2016 just round the corner I am looking forward to more adventures, more friends more opportunities and loads of fun

How was 2015 for you?  I would love to hear from you and how it was for you.  you can tweet me  or message me on my Facebook page or leave a comment below. I would be really pleased to hear from you and always reply to comments about my posts.  I want to take this opportunity to thank you reading my blog for your support,thoughts and comments it is much valued and appreciated.

As we look forward to the New Year. I wish you peace,prosperity and all good things

Take care of you

Dawnie  x

 

 

A Video Phone Call with the ex – its time to move on

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My ex Face Timed  me yesterday. I haven’t spoken to him since his move to the Middle East, I was at work so I was  unprepared for it  but it was good as I was in professional mode and able to deal with him.

We talked, he showed me round his 4 bedroom detached (with servant) house. He told me he was doing well and everything was better than in Britain, his new son was in a private school everything was rosy and that he had made the right decision to move out there.

He told me that he wouldn’t be coming back to the UK for a least a year. We talked about the children.  We talked about the things that they are up to, how they were doing, the things we used to talk  about when he was in the country and living about a mile away, things that seem strange to talk about to a person who now lives 3000 miles away.

As we talked I felt a myriad of emotions, some sad, some jealous ( I would kill for a servant). I felt sorry for the children they miss their Dad and probably  won’t be able to visit because of the prohibitive cost and logistics of school and university timetables.

I felt a kind of sad rage because I reckon my ex got off lightly, while he is apparently living the life of Riley I am here in  rainy London really struggling on my own  with no servant, no money, and what feels like no life.

Now I know that life isn’t that black or white nobody is completely happy or sad. We all present our best selves to the world but let me sob in my own little pity party just for one post.

I have been a single parent for 8 years and I can honestly say I have never felt so alone as a parent. I hadn’t realised the fact that my ex  was in the same town made such a difference to our family, even when he wasn’t doing anything or contributing anything. The fact that he was there made it manageable.

The conversation continued. He made the usual promises and asked for a couple of favours.  I didn’t complain or ask for anything because there was no point. We said our goodbyes

As usual the contact with my ex the experience was a bittersweet one, we aren’t friends and perhaps were no longer enemies, we are nothing to each other and that is a weird feeling. I was left with a feeling of acceptance and some sense of peace.

What was good was good in our marriage and I can now remember the good times as they were without them being clouded by the bad.

I think all single parents have expectations of their ex partners which are impossible for anyone to live up to. I think the time may not healing all wounds but it does makes them smart a little less.  My ex  has moved on its time for me to do so as well.

Until the next time

Dawn