Tag: single parent

A Video Phone Call with the ex – its time to move on

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My ex Face Timed  me yesterday. I haven’t spoken to him since his move to the Middle East, I was at work so I was  unprepared for it  but it was good as I was in professional mode and able to deal with him.

We talked, he showed me round his 4 bedroom detached (with servant) house. He told me he was doing well and everything was better than in Britain, his new son was in a private school everything was rosy and that he had made the right decision to move out there.

He told me that he wouldn’t be coming back to the UK for a least a year. We talked about the children.  We talked about the things that they are up to, how they were doing, the things we used to talk  about when he was in the country and living about a mile away, things that seem strange to talk about to a person who now lives 3000 miles away.

As we talked I felt a myriad of emotions, some sad, some jealous ( I would kill for a servant). I felt sorry for the children they miss their Dad and probably  won’t be able to visit because of the prohibitive cost and logistics of school and university timetables.

I felt a kind of sad rage because I reckon my ex got off lightly, while he is apparently living the life of Riley I am here in  rainy London really struggling on my own  with no servant, no money, and what feels like no life.

Now I know that life isn’t that black or white nobody is completely happy or sad. We all present our best selves to the world but let me sob in my own little pity party just for one post.

I have been a single parent for 8 years and I can honestly say I have never felt so alone as a parent. I hadn’t realised the fact that my ex  was in the same town made such a difference to our family, even when he wasn’t doing anything or contributing anything. The fact that he was there made it manageable.

The conversation continued. He made the usual promises and asked for a couple of favours.  I didn’t complain or ask for anything because there was no point. We said our goodbyes

As usual the contact with my ex the experience was a bittersweet one, we aren’t friends and perhaps were no longer enemies, we are nothing to each other and that is a weird feeling. I was left with a feeling of acceptance and some sense of peace.

What was good was good in our marriage and I can now remember the good times as they were without them being clouded by the bad.

I think all single parents have expectations of their ex partners which are impossible for anyone to live up to. I think the time may not healing all wounds but it does makes them smart a little less.  My ex  has moved on its time for me to do so as well.

Until the next time

Dawn

15 Simple Rules for surviving with teenagers

Remember when you were a teenager. I do. I remember thinking I was very wise and that adults knew nothing, nothing I was interested in knowing anyway, how times change I am now really old and a single parent with 2 teenagers.

I love my Teen Boy and Teen Girl I really do they are kind talented and funny. They are brilliant company and a joy to be with but you don’t need me to tell you that bringing up a teenagers can be really tough. I struggle with untidy rooms and dirty laundry, if anyone has the answer to that please let me know.
Its half term and my Teens and I are on holiday this week, its winter and we aren’t going away, so we have been spending a lot of time together, well I say together we are in the same house they come down from their rooms for food and money. We are all still smiling just. So with this mind and with love I thought I would share with you 15 simple rules to surviving the half term holidays  ( or any prolonged period of time) with teenagers.

  1. Keep them fed and hydrated, make sure there is simple to prepare nourishing food available at all times, a hungry teenager is a miserable teenager.
  2. Remember whatever you say or whatever you do it  is embarrassing for them.dreamstime_xs_33196543
  3. Plan one trip with them it could be to see a film or going shopping it gets them out of their rooms and helps make memories. I am big on making memories
  4. Refrain from saying “back in my day”. They don’t care about your day it’s as relevant to them as the 1920’s are to you. They don’t know what a cassette tape looks like and care less.
  5. Listen, resist all urges to interrupt them when they are talking to tell them what you would do or about your experiences. I know it’s fascinating to you  but they just want you to listen.
  6. Do not negate their fears, you know that they are talented and pretty/handsome you know that they are going to be a successful adults but they don’t and it’s normal for them to worry about it.
  7. You don’t have to win at all costs, you know that you win any argument easily, let them win sometimes it will boost their confidence
  8. Try not to lose it when they lose or break your stuff they didn’t do it on purpose.
  9. Spend some time alone with them. I know you are busy and have loads to do. I find that you have the best conversations when you are alone together
  10. Talk and talk often, talk about the world what’s important to them what they think about politics, I was surprised (and pleased) at how left leaning my teens are, I use the opportunity to talk when I am giving them a lift somewhere.
  11. Make an effort to spend time with them, I watch Match of the Day with Teen Boy and The X factor  with Teen Girl, I know its television  but it works and gives us a common interest  that we share and talk about.
  12. Encourage them to see their friends it gets them out of the house and its good for them to have networks for when they are not in school.
  13. Be kind to their friends they are very important to them  and provide them  with support that you can’t.
  14. It’s natural to be wary of boyfriends/girlfriends, be supportive of any relationships during the good times and be there for your teens in the bad times.
  15. Enjoy! They won’t be a teenagers forever (they were babies just the other day!) They will eventually want to spend their time and their  holidays with other people (sob) Cherish this time and you will remember it with fondness.

Do you have any tips for surviving as single parent  with teens,if you have I would love to hear from you, leave a comment or contact me. I am looking forward to hearing from you

until the next time

D x