Tag: singlemom

Single Mummy Life- 16  Time  management tips for a busy working week 

It’s been a busy week. I am back at work full time after being off work ill. The teens are  at  their new schools and colleges and life is settling into an Autumn rhythm. 

I have been  rushing around, fitting in  my daily commute, doctors appointments,  hair  appointments and an evening seminar along the way. In addition there is all the usual washing cooking and cleaning etc!

How do I do it? The answer is I usually don’t and some appointments get missed  (hair and hospital) and the pile of ironing gets higher and higher. In truth I have good days and bad days.

So I have decided to turn over a new leaf and get organised using some of the strategies that have worked well for me in the past plus some new ones I have read about and would like to try.

So here  they are my  Single Mummy Life strategies for getting through the week.

  1. Begin each day knowing what you would like to achieve,  be it geting out of bed on time or calling your hairdresser to make an an appointment, write it down if it helps. 
  2. Review your diary before you go to bed. Know what appointments you have, where you need to be and what travel arrangements you need to make. This will make getting to sleep easier.
  3. Try to get eight hours of sleep, a difficult one this and something I struggle with,  the best I can usually do is to be in my bedroom eight hours before I get up but it’s a work in progress
  4. Decide what you are going to wear tomorrow the night before, again I struggle with this but it does save a lot of time. My decisions are based on who I am going to see that day and how much walking I have to do. 
  5. Know where your vital bits of equipment are, for me this is my keys my phone and my purse In an emergency I can manage as long as I have these things 
  6. Make sure the kids know what their schedule  for the next day iand encourage them to follow tips 1-5!  Every morning Teen boy and Teen girl are looking for something they should have prepared for the night before and every morning I  remind them off it . It is boring for all of us.
  7. Set the alarm for 30 minutes before you need to get up. Enjoy the peace and preview your day and congratulate yourself in advance for a job well done. 
  8. Get up at least 20 minutes before the kids if they see you up and raring to go it helps them to get with the programme.
  9. Have something to look forward to, this could be coffee with a friend or a luxurious bath having something to look forward to will help you to get through the day 
  10. Make a plan for the housework wether it’s doing a bit each day or having a blitz on Saturday morning  ( that’s what I do) having a plan means not worrying about it. 
  11. Decide what you and your kids are going to eat each day. There is nothing worse then coming in from a long day and not knowing what the family is going to eat. I have decided to have a meal plan for the week , my next objective is to have as much prepared in advance as I can ( I will let you know how it goes! ) 
  12. Read your post!  I missed a hospital appointment this week because I hadn’t opened a letter! Don’t let this happen to you. 
  13. Get some excercise even if it’s a 10 minute walk to the shop in your lunch hour. I count my walk to  and from the station in the morning as excercise my next objective is to do some excercise at the weekend as well
  14. Drink! Make sure you hydrated drinking helps you with your concentration when you are feeling sluggish 
  15. Utilise your commuting time, I have an at least 2.5 hr commute every day I have decided to use that time productively to read or write for my blog, listen to a podcast  or to just rest, I am finding that I am now enjoying the time as an opportunity rather than a chore 
  16. Include a hobby, there is more to life than work , housework and the kids (however lovely they are) my new hobby is photography which I can do on the go and during my commute hopefully it will eventually save me money on photos for the blog! 

Well  that’s the plan to get through the working week . Saturday’s my shopping cooking and cleaning day and Sunday’s all being well are for me! 

What do think? Is it  a good plan?  Do you have any additional ideas that work for you? I would love to hear them so do  get in touch and let me know.

  
If you like what you have read get in touch and let me know you can follow the blog here, on my   Facebook book page or follow me on Twitter  @singlemumdawn 

I look forward to hearing from you 

Until the next time 😊

Single Mum Dawn 

    40 Life Hacks for Single Mummy Life

    Frippery Jar

    I have been a single Mummy for eight years and loads of things have happened in that time. Some good things and some bad things.

    I got divorced and I have fallen in and out of love (to) many times.

    My children have grown into beautiful teenagers who are a joy and a challenge to live with.

    I have had highs and lows in my career being made redundant 3 times and promoted twice.

    I have struggled with my weight, losing 3 stone and gaining half of it back.

    I have made friends, kept friends and unfortunately lost some friends.

    I have also a started a couple of blogs and I am currently trying to make my writing hobby  a career.

    I have also learnt a lot about myself about live, love and my career, so I thought I would take stock and share some of the lessons I have learned with you in the hope that it will help  you in some way.

    So here goes

    1. Do not chase any man, the right man will find you, when you are ready
    2. If a man tells you something you don’t want to hear e.g. “I don’t want a relationship” listen and act accordingly (I have learnt this the hard way)
    3. Make time for your family they are a constant and will always be there for you
    4. Get some sleep, sometimes you will be so tired you will pray for unconsciousness
    5. Know where all your documents are driving licence, house insurance etc. you will never know where they are when you need them
    6. Don’t bad mouth you ex ( even when he has driven you to distraction ) to you kids, they are part of him and will see that as a criticism of themselves
    7. Find time to do something for yourself even if it’s watching Big Brother for  an hour, make this time sacred.
    8. Time is your precious resource use it well once it’s gone it gone
    9. Enjoy every moment of you kids childhood it goes so quickly
    10. Don’t be a slave to your job nobody lay on their deathbed and said “I wish I could have worked more”
    11. Take lots of photos of everything, your kids , your friends, everywhere you go and everything you do, its lovely looking back at good times
    12. Make memories with your children they will remember them with fondness as they grow up
    13. Have private jokes with your children,  catchphrases that only you know about, it will bond you as a family
    14. Take out one of those policies that covers the plumbing drains etc trust me  when you are ankle deep in sewage, they are worth there weight in gold
    15. When your kids tell you there dreams, encourage them  and support them 100% it motivates them to succeed
    16. Teach your children to cook as soon as they are old enough, this will help no end when you come home from work.
    17. Encourage your children to tidy up after themselves ( I didn’t) and it causes a lot of stress and arguments
    18. Save up and buy yourself something you don’t need. I put my spare change into a piggy bank I can’t open I call it my “Frippery Jar”
    19. At Christmas and Birthdays tell you kids how much you are going to spend and let them decide what they want within your budget
    20. If you have your own place keep it at all costs it’s your investment for the future.
    21. Make a will , if anything happens you would want to spare your children the worry of sorting out your estate when they are grieving
    22. Have a film that you watch when you are feeling down mine is “Moonstruck”  Cher is in it and it’s wonderful!
    23. Try and sort your child support payments amicably if that can’t be done work towards not needing them
    24. Know that your children love you unconditionally even when it feels that they don’t
    25. Be aware of your moods, and know you can sometime difficult to live with, my kids and I are slaves to my hormones.
    26. Say no to your kids sometimes. Practice it does get easier
    27. Beware of married men who want you to make them feel better about their lives don’t let it be at your cost
    28. Whatever you are aiming for you can get it,   be it  a job, a man, or a new skill it’s there for the taking. Go for it
    29. Look after your health, being sick as a single mummy is no fun, have a contingency plan for when you literally can’t get out of bed
    30. Watch or read the news every day you need to know what’s going on in the world ( and it helps with your general knowledge
    31. Laugh with someone everyday it keeps you young makes it all worth it
    32. Keep in touch with your friends their network of support is worth millions.
    33. Don’t be scared, you can do anything and achieve everything you set out to do.
    34. Have something to look forward to, it makes life easier when times are hard.
    35. Stay in touch with your friends who don’t have children be sensitive of their feelings and support there choices
    36. Don’t take work home, when you are at work, work hard, when you are home, be whatever you want to be
    37. Have some life insurance be reassured that your mortgage will be paid off. If the worst happens
    38. Make any tradesmen who come to your home  a cup of tea. They love it and it makes then nice to you
    39. Have one outfit that makes you feel really special, if you haven’t got one get one,
    40. Enjoy yourself  you are amazing , you only have one life so  live it, love it and laugh!

    Did it help? Do you have any Life Hacks for single mums  ( and dads) you would be willing to share I would love to hear from you

    Till the next time

    Single mum Dawn

    Letter to my Teenage Girl as Dad moves abroad

      

    Teen Girl you have had a tough year, your favourite teacher who believed in you, motivated and inspired you died very suddenly. You didn’t get into the school that you dreamed would help you pursue your talent and vocation and now your Dad has remarried and is moving abroad.

    You were only little when we divorced, I have often wondered  how much you remember,  I know that you have sometimes blamed yourself  for the divorce and some of the difficulties we have experienced since then  I want you to know that none of this is your fault and that we both love and are very proud of you.

    I sometimes think the true cost of our divorce is only becoming apparent now as you move from being a tween to being a fully-fledged teenager about to start your GCSE’s.

      
    Your sadness is palpable, you have lost confidence, some of your infectious joy, fearlessness and ability to engage with everything and everybody with a smile. You have however maintained your ability to see the best in everyone including inexplicably Katie Hopkins!

    You worry about your weight and your looks. You are developing your own sense of style and opinions about the world. You are tentatively discovering boys.  There have been tantrums and tears, we have hurt each other with thoughtlessness and cruel words.  I feel that you direct some of your anger at me because I am here, I try to understand what you are going through (I do remember what it was like) although it is difficult to deal with sometimes.

    Your pain about your dad leaving makes me sad, I sense your bewilderment, it echoes the sadness I feel about the relationship with my own father who also lives abroad now. A distant tense relationship with so much anger and hurt remaining unsaid. I don’t want that for you.

    I worry who will be your  safe male role model, who you will be attracted to, what sort of relationships will be your normal? I hope your experiences do not mirror mine, I hope that I can support you to spare you that.

    I will help you maintain your relationship with your father (you are the teen queen of social media and technology) and I hear you when say that’s not the same and not enough. I will be here for you when you are finding it hard. It won’t be the same as it was when he lived a mile away it will just be different

    You have seen so much in your short life, illness, death of family member’s, difficult friendships, rejection, turbulent relationships and divorce.  I know ultimately these experiences will shape you and make you stronger. I know its difficult now though and far from the idyllic teen life we see on the TV.

    You are smart funny talented and braver than you realise, you have always been a delight to be with. I want you to know that although you have had a lot of loss and disappointment this year and your world is changing fast there is always light at the end of the tunnel.  Hold onto to your dreams, I know that you will be a success in whatever you chose to do because you are amazing and my favourite girl in the world

    Love your Single Mum Dawn

    Bonding with Teen Girl – Professional Photos or Holiday?

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    We have have all been tempted by inexpensive sounding  professional photos sessions and for  £60  and free photo, what’s not to like? Well after spending a eye watering amount of money getting some lovely photos plenty let me tell you!
    It was the day of the tube strike I went home a different way through Liverpool Street station because it was more direct with less chance of being caught out. I was hot tired and hungry never be hot tired and hungry when negotiating about money it will cost you a fortune, trust me.
    I thought I would get a sandwich and was looking around for a shop to buy one, that was my first mistake  (don’t look around) second mistake was engaging with the young man who caught my eye ( don’t stop ever).  I am usually so good at dodging people with something to sell chuggers, Jehovah witnesses, anyone with a leaflet  I am highly skilled at  polite avoidance, hard wired by years of  avoiding eye contact while commuting in London.
    Not on this day though ( I told you hungry hot and tired)  before you know it I have succumbed to flattery  ( third mistake) paid my money and booked a session.
    I tell myself it will be a good bonding session with teen girl ,it will be good  for her confidence, I will set a limit I will be strong!!!
    You can guess what happened next can’t you.
    The day came  and I really wasn’t in the mood. I had promised myself I would be organised  that I would prepare the night before  but I didn’t and I spent the morning flinging clothes round the bedroom and ironing.T hey said we needed four outfits. I struggle finding one outfit ( I have an aversion to ironing) never mind four, plus Teen girl needed four as well, so cue  generational differences in taste and judgement to be  exposed and found wanting.
    I got Teen girl  up two hours before we were due to leave, she  nonchalantly got ready at a leisurely pace like she had all the time in the world  which was infuriating. How long does it take to have  a shower and wash your hair for goodness sake. Too long in my view, so much for a cosy mum and daughter bonding session , time was tight and I was already fuming!
    So after a tense start, we finally  got there just in time with me making  a mental note to self  to remember whenever I have to be somewhere with Teen Girl, add at least an hour  to save time and frustration.
    The studio was lovely cool light and airy funky music  playing and beautiful people walking around looking impossibly cool. It looked expensive.  I am trying to set up a business as a freelance journalist and blogger,  so I am always thinking about costs and I  knew that this set up couldn’t be cheap.
    We had our hair and make up done. Teen girl looked gorgeous with very little effort.  I needed a bit more work.   I had had some similar photos done 10 years ago and I couldn’t help thinking how much I’d aged.  I  have started. thinking that more and more recently it must be my mid life ex wife crisis.
    The photographer was brilliant he made us laugh he didn’t judge our clothes , flattered our vanity and made us look and feel good.  It was professional as advertised. we had a fabulous time it was all I thought it would be  a confidence building  bonding experience mummy and daughter playing dress up.
    The photos were amazing,  I wanted all of them but the cost was prohibitive, think a week abroad for a family of four or a really good second hand car.
    We went from 90 photo to the 29 I couldn’t leave behind, I also had a fascinating conversation with the sales man  Aaron  about Apple Watches, the photography business, acting and music careers, plus marriage divorce and how ( and If)  it impacts on your life as a child ( we were all products of broken homes)
    Thought provoking and unexpected
    Needless to say I still can’t tell you how much I  paid  but let’s  just say I wont be going  for a mini break abroad ( which I could do with actually) and my credit card took  a hit!
    Before anyone asks I did offer Teen Boy the chance to have his photo taken ( he was having none of it ) he liked the pictures though ( I didn’t dare  tell him  how much they cost!)
    All in all it was a really positive experience me and Teen Girl spent the day together and got some cracking photos that we can use for business and personal purposes ( head shots websites  Christmas present etc.)
    As for Teen Girl she now knows that  life is about choices  head shots or holiday?  I made her choose, cruel yes but  I have  to get those life lessons in there somewhere.
    Would I do it again? Maybe… Teen Girl  and I have had a tough few months and it was great to share  a lovely day that we will never forget, we made some  good memories and laughed a lot which is all  ever want to do with kids.
    I have to say though  the next time a handsome young man approaches offering  me professional photo session for £60. I will smile politely say no thank you  hold onto my purse and keep moving.
    Till the next time D xx
    Have you ever done one of this  photo sessions? Did you pay more than expected or did you stay strong?
    I would love to hear about it (it will make me feel better)

    New Life, New Wife – My ex got remarried. Am I bothered no..? Did it rock me…? Yes!

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    My Ex husband got remarried a couple of weeks ago

    Was I bothered no… did it rock me yes

    I got divorced 8 years ago after a difficult marriage which probably should have ended a long time before it did

    My ex was hurt so it wasn’t amicable and he moved about a mile away from our house and maintained his relationship with the kids up, they stayed with him every other weekend and on Tuesdays. This continued until he met the lady who know is his wife and deteriorated further when they had a child together.

    There has been lots of “renegotiating” of the boundaries and expectations of blended families so to say I had mixed feelings when I heard about their impending wedding and planned move to the Middle East is a bit of an understatement.

    It was weird making sure they had smart clothes to wear so that they didn’t shame me, teen boy went with his girlfriend and teen girl invited a friend from school. They looked lovely and I took lots of photo’s (weird), the allotted hour came and kids being the lazy things they are asked me for a lift.

    It was a beautiful sunny day, I couldn’t help but think of my own wedding day it had been muggy and hot, and there had been a thunderstorms the night before, maybe that was a sign.

    We arrived, the first person I saw was my brother in law, he had been the best man at our wedding, he seemed pleased to see me and so did his wife, it was great to see them despite the bizarre circumstances.

    I saw my ex…. he wasn’t pleased to see me… I don’t suppose I can blame him. I think the bride was due any second.  So I made my excuses and quickly left with a lump in my throat mixed thoughts running through my head. One of them being why wasn’t I the one getting remarried. I had always intended to get married again and have another baby,things didn’t work out that way.. was it too late?

    What did I do with myself, I went on a shopping spree and I ate doughnuts.   I spent the day with a friend who made lots of tea, fed me and let me binge watch loads of television. It’s what I needed.

    Apparently the day was a huge success, I was desperate to hear all the details, who came,what did they look like, had they been guests at my wedding? The photos were great. Teen boy made a speech that made everyone cry,the photos were great and a good time was had by all.

    Me, I was shocked by the feelings that my ex’s wedding invoked in me, the regret sadness the emotions of loss and bereavement.

    I was determined not to cry- and didn’t for 3 days  but when it came it was heartbreaking  and desolate.

    I am writing this not as a woe is me piece but as a reflection that in spite of the passage of time and new partners coming and going (in my case), It is always a shock when your ex-spouse moves on to a new life with a new wife.  It leaves you wondering where you are in your life, considering why your relationship ended in the first place and if you did the right thing. I have to admit lots of strange feelings played on my mind for a while.

    On the positive side though I also felt it was time to move on, a time for new beginnings, a time to review my life and career,   decide what I want and go forward. I  have decided to start a blog, to do something different something for me.

    Now that one door  is now firmly closed  there are lots of windows open – the future is mine and my children’s and its  looking bright.

    Till the next time

    Dawn  x